Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
