u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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