Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
