All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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