he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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