Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
