Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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