I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
