I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Less talking, more tequila
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize