well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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