I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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