ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
