farters have to be the big spoon...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I deserve this hangover.
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