I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
