I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
