i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it hurts more in the daytime
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
