im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Your penis caused this!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
