So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize