You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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