I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
