I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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