You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She's the barista slut.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
