So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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