Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
