all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
