Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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