you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize