somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
