So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
