I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He better not be in your backpack
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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