I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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