he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
