He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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