he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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