Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
