My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize