New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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