I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize