The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
