Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize