we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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