you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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