just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
