I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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