So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
