dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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