I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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