I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
