**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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