He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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