I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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