You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
