Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
