haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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