8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
