and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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