Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
And then he peed in my hair
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