I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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