walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
