my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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