In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
