My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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