"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
