she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
