All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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