youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
