im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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