i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
