Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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