One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
