Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
