If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize