i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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