So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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