Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
