I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
