I want you more than these girls want KFC
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
