Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
